


Reflections

by wildwordwomyn



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alcohol, First Kiss, Friendship/Love, Infidelity, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-25
Updated: 2009-10-25
Packaged: 2017-10-09 15:25:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/88860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildwordwomyn/pseuds/wildwordwomyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared has too much to drink and realizes something about himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reflections

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place after Jensen moves out of Jared's house.

It's the drinking that does it. Jared's slumped down in his seat on the recliner, his right hand slowly stroking the soft leather beneath his hand as his left lifts up to slip more rum down his throat. He's staring at Jensen through slitted eyelids, stealing glimpses of light brown buzz-cut hair sparkling under the lights flashing off the tv, wondering what it would feel like against his palm. He keeps thinking about it. And he knows it's only because he's had too much. He knows. But still the glass raises against his lips, still he takes a another sip, still his head swims. Still. He watches the other man's profile as he watches the tv. Jensen is paying no attention to him at all.

He finds himself rubbing the arm of the chair a little harder, imagining that it's Jensen's skin. Jensen laughs at something someone said on screen, his mouth loose and relaxed. In profile, he's noticed, the man looks even better than full on. Something softer about his face, less controlled, less intact. It makes no sense, and he's sure if he were to tell anyone they'd only shake their heads in pity. But they don't understand. They don't see just how beautiful he is when he's not being made aware of it. When he's not being told. No one else sees it's more than the physical...

Jared has had way too much rum to be waxing poetic about his best friend. Yet, he doesn't feel drunk at all. He's looking. That's all. Just looking at the wonder that is, can be, this man. Jensen laughs again and his gut clenches into a fist suddenly. He loves Jensen's laugh. Has told him this on many occasions. But at the moment what he wants more than anything is to bottle that laugh up so he can hear it on the days when life gets a little crazy, when he simply can't comprehend why the world turns like it does. He wants to be able to have Jensen. Period.

"Come on, Jay," he calls from too close. Jared looks up. Jensen is right there in his face and he hadn't even noticed him moving. "Time for bed." Jensen smiles indulgently, tenderly down at him.

Jensen's hand comes down on Jared's gently, stilling the movement. He idly wonders if he's worn a groove into the leather. Jensen's hand is warm, calloused, comfortable.

Jared looks into his eyes, has to look into his eyes, and says, "Yeah, it's time." When Jensen holds out a hand to help him up he smiles back at him, thinking, 'It's finally time...'

He lets Jensen help him up, lets the older man wrap an arm around his waist to steer him up the stairs to his bedroom. It takes Jared a minute to remember that Jensen doesn't live with him anymore, that he'd just been over to hang out for a while. His gut clenches again from the thought of home no longer being where he is. He considers asking Jensen to stay the night. His bedroom, the old guest room, hasn't changed since he moved out. And maybe that should've been his first clue but it wasn't. He flexes his left hand, forgetting that he hadn't left the glass of rum. It drops on the stairwell, breaking into tiny slivers. They both look down, then back up at each other. Jensen chuckles, makes a joke about Jared being a lush, and waves the mess off, saying he'll clean it up once he's tucked Jared in. Jared just stares at the splinters, mesmerized. It hits him that this is how he feels inside with Jensen in a place that isn't his. If Jared had known it never would've happened.

When he sighs and presses Jensen against the wall a muffled noise erupts in protest. He's doing something they always assumed neither wanted to do. They'd talked about it. In public. And decided it just wasn't them. But Jared is trembling with fear and desire and kissing Jensen right now feels like coming back home, and when Jensen tugs on his hands, the same hands gripping Jensen's jeans-covered hips tight enough to bruise, he can't stop. Jensen shoves, not hard. Just enough to catch a break, to find out if it's real. He cocks his head slightly.

"What is this, Jay?" he spits out quietly, his voice box full of rocks. The question has to fight it's way out because Jensen is having a hard time breathing.

"...Us...I just...Please, Jen," he whispers. "I need you...Please?.....", Jared begs whole-heartedly. It's not fair and with the way things are going with his girlfriend it's definitely asking too much. He has to, though. Has to say it just so Jensen will know how much he's already lost by not asking before. 

He keeps watching Jensen. Nothing better to look at anyway. The walls are closing in and the stairs don't feel too steady. The only thing he knows for sure is standing in front of him. Jensen's chest is heaving a little, his eyes are wide, his nostrils flaring as he tries to figure out what the right thing is to do. He can see all the pros and cons float past his expression, can see Jensen fighting with himself. His own head drops then. He doesn't want to see anymore. Jensen has made a choice, and he's pretty positive it's not him.

"Why now?" he questions. "You've had four years to figure it out, Jay? Why'd you have to wait until my life was going good?" Jared shrugs. "I got a girl who loves me, man, who wants a life with me."

"What about what you want?" He hadn't meant to let it out. Really. But he wants to know. And now that he has asked, he's waiting for the answer, holding it all deep under his rib cage in case exhaling might actually effect the outcome.

"...Jay..." It's a whisper. Hesitant. Almost a breath more than a word.

The body against his, right there, crushing Jared against the wall, feels solid and full. Like he thought it would. And Jensen is breathing for him, loudly, harshly. His hands move upward onto Jensen's head, feeling his hair tickling beneath his palms, while Jensen's hands rise under his t-shirt, brushing his skin in wide sweeps. When they settle they're over Jared's heart and the kissing has slowed to something more manageable, more sensual. Jared grins crazily as Jensen tries to kiss him some more.

"Would you stop that? I'm trying to kiss you, you know?"

"Can't help it, Jen. I'm happy," he responds, thinking, 'Yeah...'


End file.
